I'm a confused teenager. Could I be a lesbian?
All right. Here we go.
When I was a little girl (ever since around age 4 or 5) I wanted to be a boy. I clearly remember, when I was about 8, watching an Oprah special with my mom about transgender kids. There was one girl who was about 15 who changed her sexuality. I ran into my room and cried.
I hated dolls, princesses, tea parties and dresses. I loved Legos, action figures, comic book superheros, science fiction, etc. I always wanted a Nerf gun or remote control car, but I never got either. I did, however, love to dress up; I still do. I was always very theatrical during Halloween (and pretty much every other day of the year). Instead of princesses and mermaids, though, until I was about 9 I always had a boy costume (a skeleton, Woody from Toy Story, Batman, etc.).
I am aware that your childhood can tell you a lot about who you are later in life. Ever since middle school or so, I’ve suppressed the tomboyish-ness somewhat (though it is still there). But in the back of my mind, I always knew I was different.
But not until recently have I ever been attracted to girls. In fact, every one who knows me knows that I’m boy-crazy. I always thought I was straight, just very tomboyish. I have pictures of hot male celebrities on my wall, I had tons of crushes on guys at my school.
Last year I cut my hair boy-length. I gave the excuse "my hair is extremely thick and hard to manage" as for why I cut it. Which is, in part, true; my hair is incredibly thick. But subconsciously, I think the main reason I cut it was that I wanted to look more like a guy. My childhood coming to haunt me, if you will.
So. This school year, I made a new friend in my journalism class (a class where there is plenty of downtime). She’s very… touchy-feely. She likes to rest her head on my shoulders, smack my butt, give very passionate hugs, etc. She’s grown to be one of my closest friends (if not my best friend). But I think I may have developed a sexual attraction for her. Which is scary, considering that I’ve never before been attracted to another girl.
I mean, I’ve noticed pretty girls in the hallways, pointed out a female celebrity that I thought had a cute look; but never before have I dreamed of kissing another girl.
What makes the situation worse is the fact that I haven’t had a real crush on a guy since about February. Which is entirely odd for me, because I’m usually always crushing on at least one guy, if not more.
So my question is, folks (sorry for the long post!): from the information given above, do you think that I’m still straight, bi-curious (I’m thinking this right now), bisexual, or full-on lesbian?
